March, 01 2006

When things go wrong, it's not necessarily "their" fault

When things go wrong, we tend to want to blame the other person. It's human nature -- why would we want to bring harm to ourselves so it must be someone else's fault. Seems logical and this is certainly how we have been conditioned for eons. The problem is that it serves no purpose to engage in the blame game and/or to assume that the bad thing is the fault of some evil-doer. This is a complex issue. I just want us to learn how to pick up at the end of the string and move forward. It is so NOT easy to do that. If we hang out with what went wrong, we don't need to do the hard work of making life right. And that's what's required. Hashing over the mistake, accident, or problem is not constructive or productive. And what we want, in order to achieve maximum growth and maturity is to move forward and "let go" of the "bad" situation. I think that I have always hated it most when someone has said to me -- Beth, you just need to let it go...whatever the "it" is. And I have always wondered...HOW does one let go of something. So here is a mini-lesson in what I have learned about letting go...It means as the mind starts to go back to "it", you consciously move to another thought. You look at the judgements that you are making around the situation, analyze them and recognize that judgements never produce results. Then do something totally different than you were doing -- maybe it's taking a walk or a run or maybe it's some form of meditation or maybe it's a hot bath or listening to robust music. Let it be your best form of distraction. It is being mindful -- watching what you are thinking about and declaring what could be a more productive subject. Now I know that it is impossible to just ignore "it." That's like being in the room with an elephant and denying that it is there. But we can be masters of our own minds more than we believe that we are, and we can acknowledge a thought that has come in and then we can be active in thinking of something new and different. A one-minute explanation just cannot handle an issue as big as this but I wanted to talk about this blame game and expose it for the paralyzing gremlin that it is. Our futures depend on us looking within more than we look at the "out" and to do so without deciding all of the time what's good...what's bad...what's o.k....our job is to -- oops, here it is....let it go!

February, 18 2006

Computers

Computers...They are our best friends and worst enemies at the same time. So, pardon me...I'm going to philosophical here for a minute. To be truly happy, we need to accept the world as it is -- not as we wish it could be. I see eyes rolling already. She is probably going to tell us to be pleased about something rather than angry or frustrated or miserable. And that's right. Computers are machines -- sophisticated though they are. And they encounter mechanical problems. Mine chose this week -- not a good one to do it, of course -- to totally break down. It had a problem -- problem wasn't fixed properly -- got worse and worse and worse. And I'm now without the darn thing for who knows how long. I'm currently writing this on an OLD laptop, which has its own issues. Anyway, like any business issue, we need to expect the unexpected. We need to know to have back-up plans. We need to find solutions -- ALWAYS -- that's the key. Last time my computer was down I couldn't access my calendar or addressbook. Now I have a Blackberry, which provides both easily and efficiently. It's not without an expense and that needs to be built into the business model too. I haven't used the Blackberry for e-mail so I'm in the process of figuring out how to get that too. It's a matter of looking for the answers not focussing on the problems. If you have a computer, you will have a problem -- guaranteed. We can either figure out ways to go on, which may take some patience (I'm always in short supply of that) or money (limits there too) or creativity or outside support -- the list goes on. It's definitely an obstacle and in the overall scheme of things -- my gosh...we know it could be worse! May your technology run smoothly today!

February, 06 2006

ee cummings

One of my favorite poets said: "To be nobody but yourself in a world, which is doing its best -- night and day -- to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which human beings can fight and never stop fighting."

cummings was such a genius and yet that phrase showed that he on occasion struggled with his creativity, self expression and uniqueness just like the rest of us.

Please think about his quote. Then think how it makes you feel.

I recognize that for decades I have been trying to get this square peg (ME!) to fit into a round hole that someone else has created. And I see many of my friends and clients having varying degrees of success in fitting in to other people's expectations. Some of my colleagues (those that I might envy the most) are happy because their expectations and others are the same. Others strain to be what others want them to be.

If I could encourage everyone I meet and know to do one thing -- it would be to do what you do your way. I suppose that there are better and worse ways to do many things -- but so what! I have seen people make huge sums of money by doing something that someone told them would NEVER work. You know that too. What made that person go forward and some of the rest of us go back. (Go back to the cummings quote for the answer)

It takes strength and a strong will to move forward against what might seem like sage advice. It also takes some practice because we are programmed from childhood on the RIGHT way to do stuff. So, my friends, practice and act and have fun on the journey.

January, 30 2006

Bold Action

I am writing on "taking bold action" because I have had two clients recently, who know they should take action -- will likely eventually take action -- but are resisting taking actions that are obviously in their best interest. In both cases, these individuals KNOW that they must leave their current jobs and move on. In BOTH cases, money isn't the deciding factor in their staying. They both feel responsibility to their employer and that's a good thing. But they could give notice and still complete their tasks if the employer agreed, which it is likely to do. So what's the hang-up? These folks are like all of us at times. They want to get their ducks in a row before putting anything into action. Sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Well, it's not. Many years ago, Tom Peters wrote in one of my favorite books, "Search for Excellence," a whole lot on the premise of "Ready, Fire, Aim." Yep, that's right. You get ready (often by just recognizing that the time is NOW to act and coming up with a little plan) and then you do something in support of your decision and then finally you fine-tune your activities. See, most of us go ready -- aim -- fire. And when we shoot if we don't hit the target, we chastise ourselves because we think we didn't do the "aim" part right. Nope. We just got things a bit out of order. We MUST be bold! We MUST take action...that's it! BOLD ACTION. If you are looking for work and you have resources, release yourself from your current job and go full steam ahead into the creation of your new line. One of the individuals I mentioned has redone her resume, is searching the papers, is going on interviews and making contacts -- all clandestine so that the employer doesn't yet discover what is up. Sounds reasonable, yes? What I recommended is giving three months notice (her organization would accept that -- this person even agrees with that assessment). Take the first two months to find the replacement and also whip up a great resume and cover letter and start calling people with the words, "I have given notice and I'm seeking a management position that better serves me geographically." Enlist the help of associates and vendors and friends from the get-go. No need for secrecy here. There's a difference in energy level when we are up front and obvious about our needs rather than going under-cover. One procedure is laced with fear -- the other is borne of confidence. Neither person recognizes his power, strength or potential contribution or the action would reflect it. I think I'm all for reasonableness but not when it is a cover-up. Sounds harsh doesn't it? It's really not. Friends don't let friends hide behind their insecurities. It doesn't serve them and it doesn't produce results. Instruct on BOLD ACTION and then be there during the bumpy times, which will still be better than being sympathetic. REALLY.