August, 23 2005

Listening Is A Gift

As a coach and consultant as well as mother/grandmother, I know both personally and professionally how important listening is. Listening is an activity -- it's following both the words and the music that you are hearing. Yes, that's right...People, even when they are talking, are using words as substitutes for more complex thoughts, feelings and emotions -- that's the music. It means being open and alert to the explanation of the most personal or deepest situation/challenge/event. Lately, I have been on the other end of the listening chain. I have had a couple of health issues so I have had to explain to doctors and health professionals what has happened and what is going on with my body. I will take responsibility for the fact that I may not have portrayed the situation efficiently. but few of these professionals seemed very interested in what I had to say. One doctor told me that the response that I was having to a certain medication was impossible. What was I to think? I felt even sicker after the discussion since I was worried about the problem and insecure about what I was experiencing. Listening can be a gift. When someone validates (even if they may not agree) what you say, you automatically feel better. When someone hears behind your words and checks that out with you, it provides you with greater clarity, and when when you enter into a talker/listener agreement, you couldn't feel closer. Right and wrong and other judgements are left behind in true listening. The listener is doing all the he/she can to retrieve the essence, facts, and substance of the talker. The listener can then clarify if need be. It's not about control -- it's about determining what is going on without trying to fix it. We tend to listen on our way to something else. I submit that listening is an important element unto itself and just by listening, the talker may have insights and revelations that begin a "changing" process. Practice listening -- it's a gift that you will give yourself as well as others.

August, 02 2005

Don't be scared!

I often encounter our old friend, "fear", when I am talking with my clients. Sometimes a fearful situation seems to be natural and actually, I've been told that a fear is very real like the following example -- "I am afraid that I might lose a lot of money by doing such and such." Seems legitimate, right? And sometimes, it is very irrational but the person still feels the same emotions. It doesn't matter much which it is. Fear, in all forms, colors and shapes, holds us back. It might keep us from burning our fingers on a hot stove, but then we could do that without fear -- it's hot -- keep your fingers out of the way. Common sense. When we allow fear to interrupt our thinking, we shut down our creativity. When we allow fear to intrude on a journey, we take another path. While fear may have started as a helpful element, it no longer has a use in our lives. That's right -- NO FEAR!!! When we feel our stomachs tightening, our brething changing, our skin going either hot or cold, it's best to get in touch with the origin of the fear and take steps to eliminate the fearfulness. I'm not kidding. Living without fear opens our eyes and our hearts. It allows our brains to move into action and we can therefore be our best selves. It isn't necessary or desirable to let fear guide us. It is good to recognize when the fear is upon you, but it's best to catch it in the bud and do whatever it takes to move our of fear. Roosevelt said that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Truer words have never been spoken.

July, 25 2005

Lance's Latest Triumph

I wqs glued to ESPN on Sunday morning as Lance Armstrong rode his astonishing final finish laps through Paris and down the Champs Elysee. I cried as they played the National Athem. I rejoiced in the pictures of him with his perfectly beautiful children. I love champions. I love the way they have juxtaposed hard work with opportunity to land on top. I like the way they think out loud and speak precisely about their achievements with both pride and humility. I like the way I feel when I am watching them: I feel unstoppable too. I admire their confidence as much as I respect their talent. I believe like they believe for just an instant. It's not that I don't believe that I can accomplish certain tasks -- I do. I'm a believer from way back. It's just that in the everyday world of friends and colleagues, we let so much get in our way: negative thoughts and that old reality stuff. For most of us (me and the people I see most frequently) -- we could do more. We could imagine higher. We could carve out a minute or two out of every day to extend ourselves to someone or something that might make a difference. We could trust more that our powerful thoughts would bring powerful conclusions. We are ALL champions in the making. Maybe we won't have an electrifying example of our prowess like the Tour de France, but we have our own mountains to climb. Lance reminds us at the end to let our glory shine through.

July, 19 2005

Are you melting too?

Oh, it's so hot here! The service station owner and dozens of others I have encountered today all mention the heat. They say, and I tend to agree, it's the worst summer EVER! Haven't I said that before? Isn't July often miserably hot and humind. I was out at 6 a.m. this morning enjoying the pretty green of the backyard and watering the thirsty plants and it was quite wonderful but I had to remind myself that later on in the day, it would be unbearable. I was right. So what? What could fall more in the category of something that we can not do anything about than weather. Hot, cold, rainy, dry. In most parts of the country weather is a topic because it is usually so lousy. And here's the thing -- we resist the weather as if it does some good. So it's hot -- sweat a little or a lot, adjust what you do inside and out, and live your life without the resistance. Is that possible? You bet it is. It's our job to adjust ourselves to what is -- not make what is different. So many things that we rail against are not about "them." It is about US. In situations like weather, we immediately feel powerless when in fact we have all the power we need: we can take responsibility for what we do and how we do it on hot days. In this country we have good air conditioning -- cars, houses, stores. So we believe that we must go on as though life is just as it was but sometimes we need to adjust. Living a great life means living with full power -- being the best that we can be. I want to thank all of those who told me today how hot it is -- they are right -- but neither they nor the temperature can usurp my power or my devotion to being all that I can be. I'm having a good ole time doing some writing, spending a little time with my granddaughter and being responsible for me. Am I hot -- I hadn't noticed.