July, 11 2005

Winning

I will admit to watching more television than usual latelyand, for once, I'm glad because I saw two incredible challenges. The first was the Women's Final at Wimbledon and the second was the dance match-up final on Dancing with the Stars. In each situation, the last competition brought out the best in each of the finalists and, to my mind, the winner may not have been "better" but was so completely determined that she was not going to be denied. I love sports and I like competition. And while I know that you need an enormous amount of talent as well as hard work to be at Wimbledon, the TV show demonstrated that you needed to work hard and really, really go for the win (That was true of all the competitors) but the one who won came from last place to finish first. What a feat! And what I know for sure is that in each situation the person who wanted to win the most did. To my mind, Linsey Davenport, who lost the match to Venus Williams, was so superb that it's still amazing to me that she lost. Yes, she wanted to win and was passionate in her play, but Venus wanted it more. John Hurley was really, really good as was his partner Charlotte and they danced so beautifully on the final night, but Kelly was fiery and believed that she could do it even though nearly everyone thought Hurley would be the victor. So what's the point? It's that we are in challenging spots all the time and our thoughts may do us in way before our talent and hard work let us down. It may be that we need to keep going until the very final second -- Don't ever give up in our minds. And when a thought passes through that seems to limit us, dig even deeper to go for the win!

July, 01 2005

Change

Sandra Day O'Connor resigned from the bench today. The airwaves, the blogs, the personal calls are saturated with the subject. This is a big change. In many, this change produces enormous fear -- what will happen to the Court? How will this affect our country? What about Roe v. Wade? A woman has gone -- who will replace her? A centrist has gone -- who will replace this pivotal position. I remember so well when she was nominated to the Court. The first woman, ever. Ronald Reagan, the conservative, appointing the first woman and to many of my feminists friends and I it had to be a disaster. We were wrong. O'Connor is smart. She is thorough. She asked the right questions. She brought dignity to the Court and she was in the most vulnerable position at the beginning. So many expected her to fail. All eyes were upon her. Conservatives didn't like the idea that a woman had broken the barrier. Liberals liked having a woman but not that woman. But we not only became used to Justice O'Connor, the right and the left respected her, applauded her, and valued her courage and independence. And so now President Bush and the Senate will replace her. I have three e-mail addresses and they are already filled with doom and gloom messages from people worrying about who is going to take her place. This is "big-league" change and we just don't like it. The only thing we know for certain is that all things change and yet we often feel anxiety and concern as we see change. This may be playing out nationally, but it applies to us individually as well. Let me say this...I may not like it and yet I know Change is GOOD. Find strength in this national obsession and examine your feelings because they may be telling you about things and situations you are holding on to because you fear change. Embrace movement. Celebrate innovation. Accept what is inevitable. Change!

June, 24 2005

Getting what you want

Getting what you want often means explaining what you need and making sure that you are communicating. I am SO grateful to Jason Bach, whose company is hosting my website now and who also redesigned the "weekly wisdom" pages. But I had Jason going in circles at first because I was using the wrong terminology and not telling him what I needed. Wish I could sasy this was the first time that I have done such a thing -- NOT! I have some skill with words and I really, really try to be precise and yet I often mislead an intention or illogically portray a situation. As a coach this can be serious and as someone who wants very much to deal honestly and truthfully with the people that I meet and know, it is disturbing. Some rules to follow are: Be explicit in the results that you want; be persistent -- keep talking until you and the other person are using the same language; check it out with the person you are talking with by asking questions and finding affirmation; and, be patient! Finally, DON'T JUDGE. It is tempting to become frustrated and irritated with the person who isn't getting your message. They haven't done anything wrong. When you find the key to unlock your thought, they have something to work with. It doesn't mean that they will agree with you, but they will hear you and you will be hearing them. It's the first step in getting what you want.

May, 25 2005

No Losers, Only Winners

My granddaughter is a gymnast. She has been in the sport since she was quite small and despite broken bones, ligament tears and some obscure injuries, she is at the top of her sport. I am amazed at her dedication, hard work and commitment. Yes, she has talent. But like in all endeavors, the talent part only takes one so far. After that, you need to move through your own resistance, show courage and demonstrate what makes you unique.

This week-end she will be competing at the National level 10 championships. Girls from all over the country will be in the Arena. Each of them has been training many hours with coaches. Their families have sacrificed time, money and energy to help them achieve their goal. And here’s what they all need to know. While there will be winners, there will be no losers. Each of these children has stepped up to the plate to give her “all.” She has pushed herself beyond where she thought she could go. She has made friends. She has been persistent. I love my granddaughter and I’m very proud of her and I hope at the end of the day, she knows that. I hope all the kids competing know that.