February, 16 2010

Congruency

I had a client talk to me the other day about the activities of one of her competitors. She was representing a client against a group and the other team was acting in a rude, hostile and "take-no-prisoners" way -- they appeared to have few if any scruples. She was torn about how to handle the situation because, in her heart of hearts, she wanted to be nice, accommodating and congruent with her values and beliefs but she also wanted to make sure her clients' interests would be presented fairly in the hearing.

While it is extremely important to always be true to yourself, sometimes we have to behave in ways that are very hardhearted. Oh, how I wish it wasn't so!

We don't ever have to take advantage of another person or situation but we also have to acknowledge that no one can take advantage of us. I believe that we should try to work all conflicts out in a win-win way but sometimes we must protect ourselves and our clients and that may mean acting in ways that are quite alien to our make-up.

Opportunities to learn exist in all situations. My client is struggling with this dilemma and she is resisting the tug of war. I know for sure that struggle, burden, resistance only shut us down. Aikido techniques, which often teach us to go along with the attack until we can circle around with a winning strategy, are called upon and they will occur to us only when we recognize that the end result is vital and that it takes all of our creativity to achieve the score.

January, 29 2010

Completion

I have made "completing" my New Year's Resolution. I talk to many people and I can often painfully assess a few of my own issues and "not" completing is one of many of our great problems. (Mind you, I hide the fact that I'm not completing something by changing a goal or watering it down -- it's still NOT completing.) You can only fool yourself part of the time -- time to come clean: What have you been putting off completing?

A reason that we leave things incomplete is because we are afraid of not measuring up or we adapted a lifelong pattern because it served us when we were young. Trust me -- incompleteness does not serve us as functioning human adults. We need to get in there and finish our projects and if it doesn't measure up -- so be it -- we can continue to make it better ONLY when it is done and we have something to judge.

Join me. Make this year a year to not only set goals but find one that may have been hanging out there for a while and bring it to a satisfying close.

Each time we complete, we send a positive message to ourselves. It could be: -- we have the guts to bring things to a conclusion/ -- we have boldness, courage and persistence; -- we take risks; -- we understand where true satisfaction lies.

Yep...make it happen!

January, 08 2010

Motivation

Motivation is a word that we hear more than usual at this time of year -- it seems that everyone thinks that we need to be motivated -- motivated to eat better, motivated to exercise more, motivated to de-clutter, motivated to organize, motivated to change one behavior or another. I'm here to tell you right now that if it worked to be motivated we would all be thin, fit, tidy, organized and extremely successful. Motivation is an industry that hasn't worked and yet it still marches along as if it had. In fact the results of recent motivating techniques for weight loss alone are a dismal failure -- the rate of obesity has doubled in the last five years and more than a third of the country is dangerously in that category (not merely fat but OBESE.)
Let's stop paying the motivational gurus. They give us coaches and consultants a bad name by the way.
Change comes not only from attitude and desire but from techniques. Change requires a system.
To begin with, know what you want and then break it down into manageable parts. Start small. I am admittedly a yoga addict and I've been doing yoga for many years but I had gotten away from it and when I started back, I signed up for two classes a week. As my love of the practice kicked in, I gradually increased the number of times I went and now (3 years later) I look forward to five classes a week and I might find ways to add to that.
Change can be begun by us -- make a nice small effort -- and then it's organic and grows as we do. I know this for sure.

December, 01 2009

Tiger -- I just don't care.

It's your life. Thank heavens you didn't hurt yourself or someone else but other than that, driving your car into a fire hydrant and tree are just none of my business. I DON'T CARE!

Here's my rub...I don't want anyone else to care either. I am upset with the silliness of a great majority of the population and especially the media. They need to learn that this is none of their business. To EVERYONE who wants to know about Tiger and what happened that night -- GET A LIFE!!!!

How much do you concern yourself with what is happening to others and how little do you take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts?

This is an important question and we should query ourselves more often about our own actions and worry less what someone else is doing. I know that it is sometimes easier for me to think about the activities of a politician or newsmaker than it is to make some small effort that would improve my work, my communication with a family member, or ME.

Yes, I love entertainment. I am in awe of Tiger Woods, the extraordinary golfer and athlete. I am happy for him that he is doing well financially and I hope against hope that he has a well-balanced and happy life. PERIOD...

Let's live our own best lives and let the rich and famous do the best they can in living their own.